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This is my snippet for Weekend Writing Warriors (www.wewriwa.com) where writers share 8 – 10 lines of their work, for others to see and comment. Please follow and comment about others on the list.
I am again taking a piece from my book, Songbird. Jake, the man we all love to hate, has found out that a much older man is being predatory with his beloved fifteen year old daughter, April, and for the first time begins to question his own behaviour with Rosie, the girl from the club with whom he is having an affair. This following snippet is from Jake’s point of view.
The next day, in a rare moment of introspection, I looked at Rosie as she was bent over the Member’s Register at the club, and wondered what her father thought about her, at twenty-three, going out with a man in his late thirties. In my selfish quest for sexual gratification, am I as guilty of treating someone else’s daughter in the same way as I worry about Tarquin treating mine? But then I justified my own behaviour by convincing myself that it was completely different in my case.
Rosie, at twenty-three, and already sexually experienced when she and I first went together, is a completely different proposition to a naïve and innocent, fifteen-year-old April. At least, that is what I shall continue to tell myself, for I cannot bring myself to break it off with Rosie and see the hurt on her face. And to be honest, I am growing more and more fond of the girl, too.
I asked Rosie about it when we were alone in my office at the end of the evening. “Does your father know about you and me, and what does he think about you being involved with a man my age?”
She sighed and said “Well, I have no idea what he knows and what he thinks. He walked out on us last summer, and went off with another woman, and we haven’t seen him since.”
SONGBIRD is published by Blushing Books and is available on Amazon US here and on Amazon UK here
SONGBIRD is the story of a French singer, whose mesmerising voice and looks attracts Harry like no other woman has before. But she has scars from her past. It is also the story of Harry’s best friend, Jake, who owns the night club where Harry and Pascale first meet.
Songbird has gained some excellent reviews on Amazon, with 22 reviews averaging 4.9 stars out of 5.
“Songbird is a richly woven thriller, filled with twists and interesting characters.”
“This story kept me captivated and on the edge of my seat as the life of Pascale unfolds.”
“Riveting and entirely enjoyable, Song Bird was a book I had trouble putting down.”
Why not take a look for yourself?
Rachel de Vine and Juliette Banks 
Well done and oh so true about a father worries.
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Thanks for the comment, Charmaine. This is the beginning of Jake’s redemption. I didn’t want to leave him as a complete SOB at the end. He will never be as nice a man as Harry, however.
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It’s hard to dislike Jake. He’s got doubts about Rosie, he loves his daughter — he seems like a real guy so kudos on that! Everybody has flaws after all.
~Marcia
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Thanks Marcia. Yes, I kind of have a sneaking regard for him too. But then I know the whole story, right through to the end.
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Well done on crafting a believable and rounded character. The way you use internal dialogue gives us a much more intimate insight into Jake’s persona.
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Thank you, Kim. And if you were to read the book and see the woman he is married to, and what she does, you would be entirely on his side, believe me!
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It seems Jake is not as much of a jerk as he seems!
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No, he does have redeeming qualities. I never like to leave any of my characters being disliked too much, so the story shows another side to him in the later chapters. He will never be as nice as Harry though!
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Well, it’s good that he’s developing a conscience. I always wonder about men who claim to love their (female) children and then treat their women badly. How would they feel if someone treated their daughter that way?
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Exactly. That is what he is coming round to see. Thanks for commenting, Cara.
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Good job of writing juxtaposed feelings about his girlfriend and about his daughter. It made me wonder how long until he came to terms with the reality of the situation. He can’t rationalize his own less than stellar behavior.
Your writing is incredibly smooth, by the way!
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Thank you for your comments. I enjoy writing about complicated people who lead complicated lives – and then try and uncomplicated their lives a bit. There is a point in the book when his daughter chooses to live with her father and his girlfriend, rather than her mother – which tells you a lot about her mother. If you read the book you would have a lot more sympathy for him. He doesn’t have a strong moral compass, but there are reasons for that, and he comes good in the end.
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I appreciate the character growth we’re seeing, as Jake starts to question some things he’d always taken for granted. Interesting twist, great excerpt!
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Thanks for commenting. He will never be choirboy of the year, but he does have some redeeming qualities.
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Liking Jake. And this story. 🙂
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Thank you, Daryl. I guess I have become a bit protective of Jake since he came in for some criticism in earlier posts. I like him too.
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